Who's Your Daddy
by TaiSoraforever
Summary: Chibi-Quatre has some problems.


From: Tai_soraforever willmore@thekeep.org  
Subject: [GundamW][FanFic] Who's Your Daddy?  
  
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Who's your Daddy?  
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By Tai_soraforever  
  
  
Gundam Wing characters and situations copyright Gainax  
Entertainment and others. Used without permission.  
  
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Chibi-Quatre hugged his Sandrock plushie tightly and prepared to  
go to sleep. He hopped into bed and pulled the blankets up to  
his chin, but try as he might he could not rest. He tossed and he  
turned and squashed the poor plushie between his vest and the  
mattress so many times that its head was squeezed into the shape  
of an eggplant.  
  
Chibi-Quatre was a smart boy. After only half an hour he jumped  
right back out of the bed and slid into his sandals. The  
Sandrock plushie with the eggplant head was firmly cradled under  
his right arm. He needed to find a daddy to tuck him in. Once  
he'd been properly tucked in he'd have no problem sleeping.  
  
But where to find a daddy?  
  
Chibi-Quatre had a daddy, long ago, but he'd gone away for good  
and he didn't like to think about that. So he'd have to find  
another one.  
  
Tip-tap, tip-tap went his sandals on the tiled floors of the  
military base. His legs were so short and he was so light that  
the pitter-patter of his footsteps sounded just like raindrops  
falling against a mobile suit's cockpit.  
  
The hall outside his room had five doors, all numbered. He came  
out of the room marked with a '4'.  
  
Chibi-Quatre walked all the way to the beginning of the corridor  
and opened door number one.  
  
Inside was Heero and another thing. The other thing was a row of  
twenty-four remote-control Wing Gundam toys. Chibi-Quatre  
thought they looked suspiciously like dominoes, with how they  
were stacked one against the other.  
  
Heero finished setting the last Wing model up then got a very  
strange and very scary grin on his face, and picked up one of the  
remote controls.  
  
Chibi-Quatre was a brave boy, especially after squeezing the  
eggplant-headed Sandrock plushie so tightly that its eyes almost  
popped out. He walked up to the scary person and tugged at his  
trousers, beneath the knee.  
  
"Will you be my daddy?" asked Chibi-Quatre.  
  
"Wait a sec," answered Heero. Chibi-Quatre noticed that the  
scary expression had spread from his smile to his eyes. The  
older boy was looking at the row of Gundam models as if they were  
something good to eat. His mouth was open and there was a bit of  
spittle on the sides of his lips.  
  
Heero pressed a button.  
  
The first Wing Gundam model self-destructed. The one beside to  
it exploded next, and then the one next to THAT, and then the one  
AFTER, and then Heero started laughing and he went BWAHAHA! and  
the Gundams went BOOMBOOMBOOM and Chibi-Quatre was SCARED so he  
ran right out of the room and back into the corridor.  
  
Once he'd finished panting, he noticed that the explosions had  
turned parts of the Sandrock plushie black.  
  
Maybe Heero wouldn't be such a good daddy, after all.  
  
His heart full of hope for a better outcome, Chibi-Quatre opened  
door number two.  
  
There was a forest inside, with big green trees, a broad blue sky  
and a yellow sun which could have been smiling. In a small  
meadow between the trees there stood a wooden table surrounded by  
chairs and covered with a single white table-cloth. There was a  
tea set on the table-top. It was pink. It was plastic.  
  
Duo was fiddling with it.  
  
At least, thought Chibi-Quatre, it LOOKED like Duo. Kinda. The  
person sitting at the table had long hair and black clothes, but  
there wasn't a braid and the clothes were really more of a dress.  
  
Chibi-Quatre hugged his slightly scorched Sandrock plushie  
tighter and moved around to get a better look. The might-be-Duo  
was jiggling a tea bag up and down, up and down into an open  
teapot. He had a big chest.  
  
*poot*  
  
*poot*  
  
Two honeydew melons fell on the grass and rolled right on top of  
the tail of an unfortunate squirrel. The might-be-Duo's chest  
wasn't big anymore. That was probably a bad thing, though,  
because the boy in the dress gave a little yell and started  
patting his chest and looking all over and even peeking under the  
table. The squirrel was waving a little fist at him and yelling  
in squirrel-talk but he didn't listen until the cute little  
animal bit him in the ankle. Then he turned and saw Quatre.  
  
"Hi," said Quatre. "I didn't bite your ankle. I think you're  
Duo. Your chest fell down on Mr. Squirrel. That's why he's  
angry. I think he should eat your chest. Not the flat one, the  
big one. Maybe he'll share. Will you be my daddy?"  
  
Duo (for that's who might-be-Duo really was) tried to digest  
this. There simply wasn't any stylish way to respond to something  
like that. And Duo didn't do anything unless it was stylish. Or  
kinky. The two were often interchangeable, but since this is a  
cute chibi story, kink was unfortunately out of the question.  
  
Chibi-Quatre sniffed and stared.  
  
Four minutes, a staring contest, a squirrelese apology and a few  
strokes of the Deathscythe's scythe later, the four (plushie,  
squirrel, chibi, Duo) sat at the table enjoying freshly-cut  
slices of honeydew melon.  
  
The charred Sandrock plushie couldn't *really* eat, of course,  
because its mouth was stitched on, but Quatre made a big show out  
of pretending to feed it melon slices, and carefully wiping with  
a napkin the bits of the face-plate that got gooky stuff all over  
them.  
  
The squirrel looked bored. She'd been the first one to finish her  
slices, but it wasn't polite to leave the table before the others  
were done.  
  
Duo looked annoyed. That's because he WAS annoyed. Chibi-Quatre  
was using all of his attention to care for the plushie, and  
wasn't even sending a small glance in his general direction! Why  
wasn't HE being hand-fed juicy slices of dropped bosom? Wasn't  
he just as cuddly as any plushie?  
  
This was a Problem. And Problems always managed to send Duo's  
mind tramping off in very strange directions. He boarded a train  
of thought at 'melons' and passed through 'chest', 'black dress',  
'black frock' and 'priest' before getting to the final  
destination, 'treat others as you would like to be treated (and  
maybe they'll treat you that way, too)'. If he wanted to be fed  
by Chibi-Quatre, then he would have to feed Chibi-Quatre. But  
what?  
  
The look he gave the squirrel sent her scurrying off, since she  
had no intention to stay for (or more importantly, *as*) dinner.  
Good as the Deathscythe was at slicing fruit, it wasn't  
particularly edible. That left only one thing...  
  
Chibi Quatre smelled it, but didn't turn around. The smell was  
scary. The smell had chased him all his life, even when no one  
else was chasing him, and he knew that if it ever caught up with  
him it would-  
  
"Tea?" Duo cradled the back of Chibi-Quatre's head with his left  
hand and with his right raised a brim-full cup of Earl Grey to  
the super-deformed mobile suit pilot's lips.  
  
Chibi-Quatre flung the cup from himself, screamed and ran away!  
(But not before taking his now tea-soaked and melon-stained  
charred Sandrock plushie with him.)  
  
That had been close! He huffed and he puffed all the way down to  
the main corridor, deciding that Duo wouldn't make a very good  
Daddy, though he might be okay as a Mommy. (Chibi-Quatre had a  
feeling that mommies had something to do with tea and pink  
plastic.)  
  
He sniffed his plushie. The scary smell was mixed with lemon,  
charcoal, grass and dirt. Not so bad. And there were no teacups  
anywhere in sight, so it was probably safe.  
  
Well... that wasn't exactly true. A pair of giant teacups, twice  
his height, appeared in front of him and began to tap-dance a  
tango, but Quatre was a SMART chibi and he knew these were  
hallucinations. He got them all the time. They were his  
friends! He waved at the hallucinations and they waved back,  
winking. They'd be back later in another shape. Chibi-Quatre  
could hardly wait! When they winked, it always meant the next  
time was going to be pretty. The last two winks had shown him  
pink flying elephants and yellow tigeroons. So he wasn't all  
that sorry when the last tap was tap-tap-tapped and they POOF!  
and disappeared.  
  
Two doors left. He walked up to the one marked '3'.  
  
Inside was another hallucination. His friends had been right! It  
*was* incredible. Chibi-Quatre laughed and laughed and laughed.  
  
What he saw was this: the Heavyarms was in a dress, and someone  
had painted big red lips onto its face-plate and large red  
circles on its cheeks. The Gundam's chest was open, and there  
were red spots on the tips of the missiles there, too. Trowa was  
rubbing his face against them, only it wasn't really Trowa. It  
was a hallucination.  
  
Could hallucinations be daddies? wondered Chibi-Quatre. Probably  
not. He squatted, laid his plushie on his lap and waited for the  
vision to disappear.  
  
He waited a long time. It didn't go away. Trowa continued  
rubbing his cheeks and hands all over the chest missiles, and  
even kissed the painted lips!  
  
Chibi-Quatre was getting bored. "'Scuse me, Mister  
Hallucination," he said, "but could you go? I hafta ask Trowa if  
he can be my daddy."  
  
Trowa was startled. He slipped from his perch and fell and  
rolled all the way down to the bottom of the mech, and he must  
have hit something as he tumbled, because the Heavyarms's chest  
began to rumble.  
  
"..."  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
One of the chest missiles with the red spot on the tip of it  
fired, and Quatre ran away! Just as he was going out the door  
into the corridor, the missile hit the wall next to him and  
exploded, managing to singe the parts of the Sandrock plushie  
that had been missed by Heero's exploding models.  
  
Quatre sucked his thumb. If a hallucination of Trowa was so  
weird and dangerous, then what would the REAL one be like? He  
decided Trowa wouldn't make a very safe daddy. And besides that,  
he was fairly sure the Heavyarms would make an awful mommy.  
  
That left only one door: door number five.  
  
Chibi-Quatre stopped and looked at it. It wasn't very promising.  
The door looked as cold and menacing as an ordinary wooden door  
with glamour shots of Treize stuck up on it with bunny-headed  
pins could look.  
  
All right, so maybe it wasn't ALL that cold and menacing, but it  
sure was scary, and who knows? People could hurt themselves with  
those pins, and by the looks of the blood smeared on some of the  
pictures, people HAD.  
  
Chibi-Quatre stepped a bit closer and put his nose to the  
photographs.  
  
Oh. It wasn't blood. It was... something he'd seen before, but he  
couldn't quite put his finger on...  
  
Chibi-Quatre put his finger on it, then brought a sample to his  
lips.  
  
He beamed! It was strawberry syrup!  
  
The little boy bounced up and down, using the Gundam plushie as a  
trampoline. 'Yay!' he thought to himself, 'Yay!'. Someone who  
liked bunnies and strawberry syrup couldn't be ALL bad, and who  
knows? he might even make a good daddy.  
  
With that possibility in mind, Chibi-Quatre grabbed the stuffed  
and battered Sandrock and burst through the door at sugar-high  
speed (after opening it, of course; property damage isn't nice).  
  
The room beyond the door resembled a stereotypical dojo: rice  
paper walls hid the complex's true titanium siding, the floors  
were polished wood, beams spanned a tiled roof and in the middle  
of it all, Wufei sat in the lotus position on a tatami mat.  
  
He looked very, very cool.  
  
Chibi-Quatre's steps went tip-tap-flop, tip-tap-flop. The flop  
was there because the plushie would bounce first up then down  
onto the floor as he scurried across the floor. When he was only  
a meter or two away from Wufei, he JUMPED into the air and landed  
straight in the boy's lap.  
  
Chibi-Quatre put on his best shimmering, sparkling puppy-dog eyes  
and looked into the impassive face of the Nataku's pilot.  
  
"Will you be my daddy?" he asked. Someone this cool would surely  
know how to tuck him in.  
  
But Wufei didn't answer. Instead, he took the plushie from  
Chibi-Quatre's hands and held it up from the tip of a scimitar,  
carefully dangling it like he would a spent diaper. He swung and  
spun it, examining the tea stains, melon drippings and various  
charred bits.  
  
Anger flared within Wufei's chest and threatened to melt down his  
heart.  
  
Someone had hurt a plushie.  
  
Someone had to pay.  
  
"Um... Wufei-daddy? Why are you shaking so much?"  
  
Wufei's eyes were closed, downwards-focused and twitching. His  
lips curved upwards as they would for a smile, but clenched teeth  
showed through and turned the expression into a grimace.  
  
"What... did you do... to the PLUSHIE?"  
  
"Nuttin'." Chibi-Quatre blinked.  
  
"The plushie seeks vengeance."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Wufei dangled aloft the stuffed Sandrock. It jiggled.  
  
"The plushie demands JUSTICE!"  
  
Before he could ask if he'd taken his medication, Chibi-Quatre  
was flat on his stomach and being soundly spanked.  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"Wah!"  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"Wah!"  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"But I didn't..."  
  
*fwump*  
  
Wufei helped the plushie to box Chibi-Quatre's ears as soundly as  
a cloth-and-cotton concoction could.  
  
"What you have given, you will receive! JUSTICE!"  
  
"Wah!"  
  
"Can we go next?"  
  
That wasn't Chibi-Quatre's voice. Heero, Duo and Trowa had heard  
the noise, and noting that it wasn't the right day for Treize's  
once-weekly and twice-Sundayly visit to Wufei, had decided to  
find out what was going on.  
  
Trowa even brought his own paddle.  
  
"Silence!" Wufei's eyes were still downard-tilted, closed and  
twitching, but this time there was the slightest hint of tears  
where the eyelids met. "I must avenge the torture of this poor  
and innocent-"  
  
"Chibi?" Asked Chibi-Quatre hopefully while he hiked his baggy  
trousers up.  
  
"Plushie," corrected Wufei. Then he spoke very lowly (almost as  
low as Duo when he spoke English) and very softly: "This stuffed  
Sandrock has been charred, tea-stained, fruit-dripped and  
otherwise abused. An innocent plushie has been harmed. It  
cannot avenge itself. I will be its champion. Leave us."  
  
"Well... he DID do the melon thing," Duo scratched his head.  
"But I was the one who spilled the tea on it."  
  
"My chain of explosions singed it," added Heero.  
  
"..." said Trowa, which meant "I was busy playing with Heavy-chan  
when the chibi walked in on us. I accidentally triggered her  
missile firing mechanism, and the resulting explosion must have  
left a mark or two on the stuffed toy. So you see, I'm just as  
much to blame as everyone else, probably more so since the  
accident could have killed him. Do I get to be paddled now?"  
  
Wufei's eyes flipped open and grew brighter and larger with each  
passing story. So many people to blame... so much JUSTICE to go  
around! Once Trowa was done with his speech the Nataku pilot  
threw out a cackle and abandoned Wufei to pursue the other three  
miscreants.  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"Ungh!"  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"..." (Which meant something that is quite out of place in a PG  
story like this one.)  
  
"Um..." said Chibi-Quatre, "'Scuse me..." He'd retrieved the  
Sandrock and was hugging it tight while rubbing his bottom.  
"Could someone tuck me in?"  
  
The four boys froze.  
  
"Tuck you in?" asked one of them. It wasn't Trowa.  
  
Chibi-Quatre nodded, and smiled from ear to ear when he heard the  
answer to his question.  
  
Ten minutes and a lullaby later, Chibi-Quatre was tucked into bed  
and well on his way to sleep. The other four were seated on the  
edges of the mattress.  
  
"Who's your daddy?" asked one of the boys while running his  
fingers through the chibi's hair.  
  
"You ALL are," he answered, then squeezed his plushie extra  
tightly and went right to sleep.  
  
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THE END  
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